Make out kids never have the chance to be best friends

Once again my lack of introduction gets to me. It’s been two months since she has last seen that smile. Two months since he have whispered into her ear. She now struggle to keep good memories alive. Questioning every day; if he was still here, what would he say? Reminding herself of the little things. His favorite book, color, song, place to study. Anything to keep the memory alive.
Flashback to the last night. They both knew it was over. But she couldn’t seem to convince herself that it was. She was willing to change, to do anything, to be anything. She wanted to be his everything. Because he were her everything. But his mind was already made up. It was one fight too late.
She can still remember the way he held my hand. The way he’d look at her. The way he would call her name from across the room. The way he’d make her feel like they knew each other best, that nothing could get in between them. Anything spoken from his lips was the most important thing. So eloquent, it could change her strongest feelings. And she had hoped that he felt the same.
The night after she couldn’t bear it. Piercing blue eyes caught him from across the room. And she found herself doing everything he told her not to. Pushing the limits, to faze him. She knew that she still had a little power over him.
But in the end, she was hurt even more. She knows she can’t get out of this. That half of her just died. How long will it take to grow back?

Just a few incomplete compiled thoughts (*motions above and below*)

I guess sometimes people have too much control over each other. Do they realize that when they leave they take with them a huge part of the other person? Probably not.

If you lost someone, don’t fight it. I think instead of just letting people go, we should fight back. If you’re going to lose someone, don’t lose them without a fight. This goes in any situation. Take this as an opportunity to tell them how you really feel. I hate to compare relationships to algebra, but: You already lost this person; this person was your everything, so you now have nothing to lose. If this fails, you’re exactly where you were before. But now, you don’t have to wonder anymore. And if you succeed, well, you succeeded.

I wish life was more like the movies. That everybody has a happily ever after. That no matter how shitty it seems something good always happens in the end. And they play that pretty outro music. And if it is going to be a movie outro, it better be one of those black and white movies where they show the fancy white “The End” and play some cheesy song with a lot of trumpets or something happy.

Though we all know life is noting but agreeable. So us heartbroken stand separate, together, but always alone.

I guess i wish that everyone would just stick up for what they love. and stop being so afraid. so weak. if we all took risks for our happiness every once in a while, maybe this world wouldnt suck so much.

To be continued...

Just a lyrical lie, made up in my mind

"What more could your love do for me? Why live life from dream to dream, and dread the day when dreaming ends? One day I'll fly away." ♥ [The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return]

I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. (Sweet dreams and flying machines, and peices on the ground)

The worst thing you can possibly do is fall in love with your best friend. That’s exactly what I told her. But she wouldn’t listen. I told her not to get too attached. That when she loses him, she would also lose herself. How do you “re-find” yourself? That’s the task she now faces.

Every relationship fails. I’ve explained this to so many people. A relationship is a short thing (don’t counter and say that 5 years is not short, look at your whole life, 5 years isn’t that long) set up for failure. The only kind of relationship that works would be one that turns into a relationship that turns into a marriage. But look at the divorce rate now. Your first relationship isn’t meant to be. The first few years. Everything ends.
And age factors into it all. Chances are, you are not going to find lasting love at 16 or 17. And if you do, they probably weren’t your first love. There's trials. And it’s all part of life.
Sure love starts out great. You think about this person all the time. They become your life, your best friend, your everything, blah, blah, blah. But you become blinded to this persons imperfections. Fighting happens. You both start realizing things about each other. Accusations are made, and eventually, you split up. It always happens, it has to. Its part of the process.
A wise man once spoke to me and my friend “Relationships are just fillers.” He's married now, so needless to say, his “filler” worked out. But we don’t need this. Yes it’s desirable, even for me, but too arduous to keep. People are wasting their lives looking for love when they should really be getting off their lazy behinds and starting a future for themselves.
Listening to me is not going to soften the blow. Nothing will. That’s also part of the relationship process. Your heart was broken. I understand. I can’t say I haven’t been here before. No, I don’t know what you should do now. I can’t exactly offer you expert advice. Healing happens on its own. Yes it will take a long time, but I will be there. In 2 or 3 months something better will come around and you will forget all of it.
--that’s total crap. You will never forget any of this. It’s impossible to get over things like this. Everything you do, everything you think will revolve around him. The best you can do is force yourself to smile and move on. Push it to the back of your head. And make new memories to replace the old. And if you can be friends, that’s great. In some cases you have to. Especially yours. I won’t say to pretend nothing happened, cause that’s pretty bitchy, but try to push the memories away. Avoid anything that will make you sad, nobody likes a clingy whiner. But you’re bitter, you can’t smile. You don’t want to laugh. You’re becoming a horrible person, and you can’t stand him for making you this way.
It will be hard. You’ll find yourself opening your notebook to pages filled up with his name. Doodles, poems, things that make you feel sick. When your friend mentions his name, and your heart races, forgetting it wasn’t meant to be. A song on the radio, a television commercial, his favorite color. The first few weeks you find yourself living only to see his smile (sorta like living paycheck to paycheck). It reminds you of when you first started out. But this time, you’re moving on.

When you turn the sink on and the water is so hot it feels cold. Until your under the faucet long enough to realize that your skin is burning. When you don’t sleep for 3 days and you’re running on so much adrenaline it seems that nothings wrong, if not extra hyperness. Until you crash. Is that analogous to love?
What really is love? That’s what it all circles back around to.

She's got the soul of a poet and the fire of a bullet. She is what she is, nothing left or unspoken. She don't love you no more.

It's raining. Actual rain. I love rain. It washes everything away. If only i could rain, protect everyone, cover them. But disappear as quickly as I came. And bounce back to myself to do it again. The storm symptoms are even better. They never fail to make me drowzy. Wanting to sleep, to escape. But ironically, the only thing I've been able to dream about is school. I'm either learning or being confused, or angered, or hurt. Every negative feeling. Just like the norm. And when I wake up, the dream begins. But its a reality.
My newest catch phrase is a cross between an "I don't know." and an "I don't want to talk about it." Which is normally true, but the only person I wish I was'nt fooling is too stupid to realize otherwise.
Lately I've been contemplating with a friend. About love. She is super insightful, so today I asked her, "Who are you so crazy about." Se replied "Nobody, I'm in love with an idea." At that moment, I had an epiphany (thats the correct word, right?). The answer. Love isn't love. You never fall in love with a person. You fall in love with an idea. Are these ideas true? I write as my vision begins to blur. I don't think you fall in love with what someone does. But the whole excitement is for the future. What this person will do? Will they be there?
This is such an incomplete idea. But I think it answered my question. We must love someone that we know will be there, that we know will remember. Someone that we know knows. Instead of falling for someone over stupid present-day things. Or the past. The past is the worse. But how much do I know?
How many poets write about experiences they never have. Do they make the details descriptive enough to feel important? To have something desired?
And my eyes are closing. I wish I could dream the answeres (Kinda like Angela). To feel the future, and then experience it. So that I know the path to take. To know, that I know, that everything I am and everything I am about to be doing is wrong.

You were my outline drawn. You were my greatest failure. Discourse your saving song.

Ignorance. Hypocritical to discuss. But I promised someone dear to me that I will spell it out the best that I can. Sometimes you tend to ignore people. Everybody does it. Is it because we really don’t see them? Or that we don’t want to bother? I am horribly guilty of this act. Yes, I get nervous. Sometimes I don’t know what t o say. Or I don’t want to burden you with myself. Sometimes I'm angry, and I don’t feel like being even more hurt.
But when someone has no good reason to ignore, that’s where the line is drawn. I suppose I could go off with some story about Damien Grey and his tendency to do this. But, like I said before, I promised to do the following:
Nikki and Ryan were close friends. So when they started their relationship, nobody was surprised. They were always together because they had the same group of friends. So when they fell in love, nobody was surprised. And it was great, how they had this honest bond, everything desirable in this kind of situation.
Nikki was basically head over heels. She lived and breathed for Ryan. Poured out all of her emotions in his name. But it broke her heart to know that the feeling might not be mutual. For months they were together, and even though she didn’t want to admit it, she knew she could do better.
But Ryan could be so great. He was everything she could ask for at his best. But he seemed to have other priorities. And they began to grow apart. Fighting happened in this group of friends. Nikki started noticing that Ryan spent way too much time with her best friend, Rachel and his close friend Courtney.
There was a pep-rally. Nikki was 10 minutes late to this because she had to get an assignment she missed. When she got to the auditorium, she quickly seeked out Ryan. He had two empty seats next to him. As Nikki started across the floor, Rachel and Courtney took these seats. Infuriated that Ryan would save seats for them and not his girlfriend, Nikki sat with her other friends.
This was becoming a trend. Ryan would sometimes come over to where Nikki ate lunch and basically ignore her. But Nikki didn’t want to see how bad this was.
Maybe Ryan isn’t intentionally doing this. Maybe Nikki is completely misjudging this. But it all comes down to: Can I do better? Do I need this? How mutual is this?

Obviously these names were changed. And don’t ask me who this is really about. And don’t guess. It’s really none of your business.
I hate this. Maybe if you’re going to ignore, I should just forget it. As Pete Wentz once said: "People...need more social lubricants when it comes to being around real human beings." And I'm sorry if I'm being a Holden here, but seriously try to value everyone. Especially those who only get up in the morning knowing that they will soon see your face.

P.S.: 6 days till I leave this horrid number.
And……If u want to have my heart, u will sing to me Lullaby by the Smiths.

Life Lesson 22 (for real) and other related thoughts

"Girls do what they want. Boys do what they can"
In case you haven’t realized, through puberty and other such endeavors, that girls and guys are very different. The maturity levels for one. We are all so confused and young (naïve goes along with this). Life lesson 22 does basically come down to this: Girls may not always be right, but their never wrong. Girls only let guys think they are right.
We’ve had this discussion countless times with Ms. Garcia (not to mention the at length discussion with Annie and her in the library). Don’t fight it. "That’s the way things are, and the way they’ll always be"
Guys are into sports and looks. Girls are into romance and personality. These two clash. So eventually one side gives in, and pretends to be happy.
Each of the sexes, are manipulative and materialistic. "The boys are falling in love with the girls that don’t know what’s up" And vice versa. We go for looks and not personality. Which is our ultimate downfall, not to mention super unfair (but what can you do?). Girls and guys all think that they are correct, "She’s figured out all the boys like me", and we don’t get anywhere.
Except for the girls. "Because the boys are feeling jealous and it’s just doesn’t make any sense". Because ultimately the girls have all the power, the upper hand (you know exactly why). And we aren’t afraid to use it. "She’ll pick you up just to watch you fall".
TO BE CONTINUED…
Quotes from The Maine

“ What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction. "Chuck Palahniuk

kinda reminds me of this shirt i have. but mostly of something like love can come in different colors (cheesy). But- sometimes apperarances can decieve that you really have a broken heart on the inside.