I don’t want your heart to bleed, cause your heart is all I need.

Not to be all hypocritical and all being in a television production class, but I hate the media. Specifically the stories following Jon and Kate Plus Eight. I really don’t care about them; they just have some stupid TLC show that my friends occasionally watch. For a while ive been seeing stories about Jon cheating on his wife. Big deal! And yes I'm against cheating and all, but they are making too big a deal of it. They make a huge deal of everything. But the J&K crisis seems like something people really shouldn’t be focusing on. Maybe its cause Britney’s on vacation or something.
The worst thing is, that somewhere deep down J&K are most likely enjoying the publicity. Maybe this is all a fake. And if the fact that “Their marriage is falling down the tubes.” Is true, then sad for them. Surely their ratings went up like 500% with this. But those poor girls (the ones Jon was photographed with) they are now known as the sluts who went with the TLC dad of 8. They had to know who he was. And since they did, shouldn’t they have stayed away from him in fear of his wife. Imagine they are forced to clip coupons or something for the rest of their lives just for touching him. He's not even that attractive. I don’t get it.
If the man is going to cheat, don’t publicize it. Can’t the media focus on good things. Can they have specials on the telley about the top trustworthy partners or something? Why is it that everything is about cheating, or rape, or murder, or something that most people cant stomach, or stealing, or hurricanes, or really bad movie commercials about all of this packed into 2 hours? Nope, anything for the ratings,
----I feel like such a hypocrite right now.
But Kate is creepy. Just for the record, I wasn’t surprised to hear their marriage was less than ideal. Poor man, he has Kate, 8 kids, and a camera crew running around him all day. Everytime I flip to this show, I feel sorry for the man.
Yesterday, I was listening to the car radio and the girl was like “Why would Jon do something like this, he has 8 beautiful children?” I don’t believe that this is really wrong cause he has 8 children. It’s more of a values thing. He deserves better and I'm sure if they divorce, the kids will have a new daddy within 8 months. There has to be some freakish old man who would just love to be with Kate, maybe he's attracted to bitchiness.
Point is, anyone can cheat. It happens in most relationships. But I don’t think it should be publicized like this. Do the media think they are helping? Probably not, cause their not trying. In fact, their hoping for things to get worse, so they can get another weeks salary.

As I’m looking to the sky to count the stars, I wonder if you see them where you are.

So psycho draft is finished. We got a D. I think it was the worst one that Diaz has ever seen. We were supposed to shoot the real one today, but that didn’t happen. Thursday, I think.—Sneakerhead!
And I have recently discovered my love of croissants. I love it when McAllister gives us food.
Bernie: Tom’s extra talkative today, what do you think he had for breakfast?
Roxanna: I don’t know, probably a parrot or something.

Think about the following spoken to a friend who shared the contemplation with me:
--Have you ever lost something that you wanted to lose and gained something that you thought you wanted but in the end, the thing you lost is what you really wanted and the thing you gained is what you wish you’d lost?

Saturday, some of my old friends met some of my new friends. They seemed to mix well. It was, what was oddly described to me as, “A pretty little group of people.” They highlights were singing But Its Better If You Do. (The clean version…”Praying for love and a hat dance.”) And watching Hailey and Joamna and Rachel and Jason trying to transfer their mixed drinks (pour everyone’s into a giant glass) into an empty cup using only their straws. When this was done we went to Petco. Enough said.

Now I think I'm going to rant. Not a mad rant, is it even a rant? I'm not that sure. But I want to express a concept called to my attention. Mostly through the broadcasting guys. I thought that I’d keep this to myself like Sandra Cisneros advised me to. But I think I pretty much go against everybody’s advice anyways.
So lately ive taken part in some interesting conversations. They are basically about what guys find attractive in girls. And vice versa. So my friends said that guys generally like thick girls. Okay, maybe that was the wrong term to use. I mean thick as in thighs, and a stomach. This pretty much goes against everything I was taught.
My old school was so different from this one. Maybe since I'm transfer. The kids aren’t the same. Different values, different ideas of “socially acceptable”. All my life I have been taught that skinny is beautiful. That if you don’t fit into a size 3, your fat. And nobody likes you. That was an exaggeration, but I’m sure everyone understands. There was this pressure to be skinny. And sad to say, I never was skinny. I never was fat either. But I never was happy with how I looked.
So this year, I decided to loose the weight. It was really 15 pounds, and it wasn’t hard. I'm sure I didn’t loose it the right way, but it works. Now instead of pushing a 5, I fit into a 3. And a small shirt size.
I really don’t want to go into a related anorexia thing, so I won’t. I'm still not satisfied, and I don’t think I ever will be. But as Tom says; “I don’t want to talk about it man.” And I realize I'm being semi-personal, but deal with it. Weight is a rollercoaster, along with many other aspects of life.
So now, after I loose, I am told that that is not the ideal. Which is outrageous. But for me, it’s a loose-loose. When I go to school I have to be not skinny. But where I live (kinda far away) the people expect you to be skinny. I can’t be both!
Fitting in is too hard nowadays. The standards are crazy. You can’t be what everybody else is. Or expects you to be. And why does everybody strive to be perfect. It’s too hard. The closer we get to it, the farther it gets. Like the horse with the carrot tied in front of it. Everybody just wants to be accepted. To be loved. Maybe some people just aren’t meant to have that. No matter how many changes they make, nobody cares. Or takes notice. Will they end up alone? Wow. I really need to get my head fixed.

Swagga Boom Like You Gots A Peg Leg

The computer that I'm currently working on has an old version of itunes. I plugged my flash drive into the computer (it’s always full of music) and started to listen. I was just racking my brain, trying to think of what to write about. I got kinda bored and annoyed and started pressing buttons. I discovered (or re-discovered) the most beautiful thing. This is itunes 4, but the effect is super familiar, I think you can get it on a standard media player or somewhere else. Well, I clicked on the “Visual Effects” button. Wow. It’s kinda like an extreme lava lamp on your computer. I’ve never noticed how entertaining this is. And it’s so interactive with your music, the picture changes with each instrument, change of tempo, and part of the song (intro, chorus, verse, ect.). It’s awesome. I’ve always wanted to go into a past life (not so far back) and be a hippie. This is pretty hippy-ish if I may say so myself. The colors change, it almost reminds me of a Roshark (is that how you spell it) test or something. I'm clearly getting obsessed, I need to stop talking now.

“It took her long to realize that her so-called Barbie dolls had feelings and felt the pain of her game.”-inspired by Jodi Piccoult.

“Don’t waste your whole life trying to get back what’s been taken away.”

Sorry. I’ve been noticing I haven’t been posting much real blogs lately. Real meaning rants. There's just not much to rant about (Have you ever been in one of those situations when you really want to ask a question and when the teacher calls on you, you completely forget what you were about to say? Yea, it’s kinda like that).
So I sit here at my compy with a bowl of popcorn with cinnamon (yea, I do that). I think about what I could inform you of. *Glances down to sunburn* Yea, I'm a complete tomato except for the fingerprints on my right shoulder from when I fell asleep. But I won’t bore you with a beach story. Ill talk about context. Except, not exactly context, more like the meaning behind words.
I’ve been having these strange dreams lately. I won’t elaborate on them at all. You may have to commit me or something (Or as Ms Chang would say “That girl needs subscriptions.”) In these dreams I learn things. They aren’t more scary than shocking. And I'm not afraid. But I'm asked over and over again, every night:
“Are you afraid?”
I never answer. Cause I'm not. Usually when someone asks you this, it means that you have reason to be afraid. Think, Twilight. And considering the circumstances, I have reason to be afraid. But I'm not. Is it because I'm already too far gone, that it won’t matter? Is it because dreaming screws up my ability to feel emotions correctly? (If you can be blind in a dream, you can certainly be emotionless.) Am I too trusting? I wish I knew. And I wish I could tell you. But I can’t. The memory is blurred. But from what i've written in my dream log thingy, they are mostly the same. But the details just aren’t there. But I think I know enough.
Should I believe them? Should I tell someone? Will anyone believe me? The answer is no. I think I should go to the source (right now I'm really wishing I was at school).
My rant for today will come with a reoccurring theme in my dream. “God, why me?” A concept usually used for spoiled brats. Or people at an emotional tangle. Like the young widower who lost her husband to the war. Or the struggling teenager who was just informed that she was adopted. We all wish this on other people. But it’s not in the plan. Wherever you are going, you will get there. Many of these people consider themselves “special”.
Which brings me to a tangent. Something i’ve wanted to write about anyways. It’s from The Pact by Jodi Piccoult. A repeating theme in this book was the fact that the main characters life was filled with confusion. Confusion sprung up by basically this “I know what my Start and Finish are. I just can’t figure out how to get from Point A to Point B” you can get to Point B, just live your life. I guess I'm not good to take life coaching about this from, cause I don’t even have a Point B yet.
I know the following will be hard for you to understand. Just be open.
The people who are “special” are lucky. They have the ability to know. More than the average person. To do these things, extraordinary things. To be different. One of my favorite things is to understand. These people can understand. But they wonder for their lives, what kind of god would do this to them. When they should accept it. No ones life is easy. And don’t say that anybody’s life is easier than your. Because its not. We are all full of displeasures. If yours are more advanced than others, it’s because you are more advanced than others (Don’t even try telling me your not).
But it so hard to understand. The hardships we each go through on a daily basis. We have no reason to believe that the world doesn’t revolve around us and all of our complaints. But there are people out there with more stress. The people that save us on a daily basis. Either on or behind the scene. These “superheroes” Like a fireman. Or (lets get more fictional here), Spiderman. He has this crazy ability, a double life, but he can’t tell anybody. And he lives with this crazy pain. He has to save everyone, but whose there to save him (Think, Watchmen)? Spiderman now has this responsibility, after becoming different. He can’t ever just forget his powers. He won’t allow himself to. And I'm sure he wonders, God why me? Why did it have to be my life? Why can’t I be normal? Why does it have to be this complicated?
And his life is filled with the suitable amount of doubt and stress. Because he is, in fact, advanced. And I'm sure he wouldn’t have it any other way. I'm sure that under all of the responsibility, he likes to feel special, part of something bigger.
But it still completely sucks not being able to tell anyone. What’s the fun in that? Wouldn’t it be awesome to just march into school and say “I don’t need any on you. Cause, guess what? I'm Spiderman!” then cover them in web and never come back. Or go back and face the extreme popularity ensured by your outbreak. But Spiderman could never do that. It’s not in his ethics.
I wish I could comfort Spiderman, and tell him that’s its okay. That even though I cant ever understand what he's going through, I do. I just need to talk to him first.
So this is the main idea i’ve compiled throughout my dreams. I hope they either start meaning something, or stop. I can’t be going crazy. Anybody have one of those dream psychic hotlines?

is it a bird, is it a plane. no, its underdog!

I think that talking animals should be left to Disney animation. Today, I sat down and watched Underdog, the last half hour at least. Why did I watch this movie in the first place? I guess when you’re sick and dizzy, you do a lot of out of mind things. This movie had no original plot. When I came (haha) into the room, it was like a spoof of Lady and the Tramp. With really bad rhyming. The dogs name was shoeshine. What kind of dog name is that. Usually people make fun of the fact that my poodle’s name is GiGi, but at least it’s not Shoeshine, that’s pathetic.
I really don’t understand the point of making these animal-oriented movies. Its way more work than necessary. If you want to make dogs talk, draw talking dogs. Don’t waste your time training a dog to open and close its mouth. That’s pathetic. That dog wont get anywhere in life (sorry, I had to include a really bad personification).
One a tangent- Watchmen. Yea, go ahead shiver a little. That proves another point, the advertising people get you all psyched up for the movie because of their super cool trailers. But when you show up the theatre, those scenes were the only good ones. One example (though I didn’t actually see the movie, I was told not to) would be Mallcop.
And the plots for these recent movies suck, everything is either a remake, or a spoof, or just a really bad movie. And animation (as I mentioned earlier) these days is horrible. The last good Disney movie (animated) was Finding Nemo, and that was how long? Like 8 years ago??? Don’t be smart and say Wall-E, because I wouldn’t watch that twice.
Especially in children’s movies, the special effects are getting more and more unrealistic.
But you can bet your backside I'm going to see Monster’s VS Aliens in 3-D. Yesss!!! Nothing is more entertaining that almost thinking you’re touching "Monsters" and "Aliens" and getting a headache from annoying 3-D glasses. That’s hardcore.
Just movies in general, need to be worked on. They need plots that are better than one that the average high school freshmen can come up with.

isnt high school enjoyable?

I kinda want to touch base on a topic a lot of you have experienced, in both contexts of what I'm going to tell you. Which stands for (in case you are idiots and don’t know) Public Displays of Affection. Let me say, I am in no way against it, I just feel like to a certain degree it pisses people off. And if you want to learn about proper PDA, consult Paulina or Annie (or anyone, stop being such boneheads). Learn from the following mistakes.
At one of many many tables outside during lunch, there is this one couple. Let me add, a very unlikely couple. Their older, and who knows how long they’ve been together. I won’t name names cause I kinda fear for my life right now. But anyways, no matter how long you’ve known someone, there are some standards. And these aren’t even touchy-feely standards, they’re hygiene/behavior/courtesy to the public standards.
So as I mentioned, this is lunch. And what do people do in lunch? They eat. But did you know it was possible to eat and make out at the same time. Okay, it’s totally possible but totally disgusting. Especially if you are eating a sandwich that’s full of mayonnaise.
Now I have this problem where I will eat, but I prefer to not think about what I'm eating. And I hate it when people describe food. And the worst, is loud chewing. Here’s your homework assignment, you can post this:: what are the ingredients, process of making and nutrition facts to mayonnaise.
But this guy proceeds to eat his huge, nasty sandwich (he can’t chew properly either, and eww I feel sick writing about this) and then kiss his girlfriend. Yea, did I mention that there are still food remnants on his mouth as he does this? And his girlfriend doesn’t even care. We (Me, Gabe, and Diamond) now refer to this couple as: Mayonnaise (but usually just the guy when we see him coming, haha). And almost everyday, they do the same. And it’s not always with that repulsive sandwich, but with other foods, like pizza, chicken, and mashed potatoes.
Everyday when Me and Gabe walk up the staircase there is always two specific couples at the top. They respect each other’s territory, maybe they’re friends. One morning (the morning of the reading fcat), only one of the couples was there. There were McDonald’s bags at they’re backpack and yes, they were making out. But instead of making out in their usual spot, they chose a more creative spot. On the door.
So I stood there for a second, Gabi was laughing, but I thought of what to do. I considered tapping them on the shoulder and try not to come across mean as I tell them to move their faces. I also considered more sinister things (sometimes I'm evil) like pouring that milkshake thing they had all over their lips.
I had to think fast, cause I didn’t want to stand there like an idiot watching them make out. But in the end, I did the right thing:: walked through the doorway next to them that Gabe had so graciously opened. They are now referred to as McDonald’s, but we cant point them out in a crowd because we have never seen their faces unattached.
So PDA is cool ,as long as your courteous of others. Respect yourself, you don’t want freshmen snickering at you Everytime the walk by.

poor children of the future

Remember back to when you were a child. You’d play in the park, and then go home after getting all dirty from the lovely cat infested sand on the floor. What would you do when you got home from this metaphorical park? What would you do if you were just bored in general? Something associated with your childhood is television, or more fittingly, cartoons. There were many different places to watch cartoons or anything a kid would watch. When Nickelodeon and Disney Channel got boring, where did you turn? No, not Family Guy, but Cartoon Network. There were great shows like Totally Spies; I remember I would “write” new episodes for them in my head (I always envisioned myself as the redhead one). And Teen Titans, me, my sisters, and my next door neighbors would run around in my backyard and fight off invisible panthers (yes, panthers) with our powers. I always had a crush on the monkey guy.
Hmm…childhood cartoon crushes, that reminds me of even more shows. Shows like Pokemon and Yugioh (Did I spell that right?). Ash was always my favorite animated dude ever. And who can forger KND, right? I still own a combating treehouse, in my mind. (Note to self: write list of every single acronym of KND) And doesn’t that lead characters head kinda remind you of Hey Arnold? Maybe they’re long lost brothers or something, that should have been an episode.
But recently cartoons on television have started to suck. Is it just cause I'm older and more mature? Or are the writer’s just idiots who sit at home all day eating ice cream and thinking of more ways to torture children. They torment these children with bad jokes and give them horribly bad senses-of-humor.
This has nothing to do with Cartoon Network or cartoons, but has anyone seen one of the episodes of The Suite Life On Deck? Because if you have, you probably will have just experienced great pain when I mentioned the name of this horrible show. It made me want to take the remote and shove it into my freaking skull. Come on! This show used to be practically decent. Some of it was even funny. But now, their jokes are stupid. But they’re not even jokes; they’re just thing s that they do that are stupid. Do normal 7 year olds laugh at octopuses, or some ditzy (yes, I just said ditzy) chick saying yet another stupid thing about how rich she is? Because if they do, then the writers are doing a good job. But enough of that, Cartoon Network is my attack of choice.
They’ve recently introduced 2 new Cartoon Network shows, Flapjack and Chowder (These are both foods, now I'm hungry). Contrary to The Suite Life On Deck, this “stupid humor” can actually be funny. Who can forget the episode of Flapjack where they went to the Weeeesssttttt? And K’Nuckles is genius. Chowder- I want him. I want to keep him and he will be my squishy, and Ellen will have to suck it up. He is so frigging adorable. Where were these shows when I was a child? Where were these shows a few months ago when poor children were forced to watch Ben 10 and Star Wars: Clone Wars, or any of those other disgusting shows? I have yet to meet a boy around the ages 7-10 without a Ben 10 watch.
My least favorite are those mini shows they play in between the shows. Nacho Bear?!?!? Give me a break. This disgusts me. Or those annoying little boys who make the cheesy little commercials that I always feel like I have seen before. Somewhere else. And that Total Drama Island garbage, nobody enjoys that. My sister recently informed me that they are going to have a second season. And 6teen, ughh.
I guess I'm just mad cause I have grown up and this kind of humor angers me. But Cartoon Network, along with all other formerly respectable children’s channels have lost all of my respect. Will the children of the “Bad TV Generation” grow up to write even more horrible children’ shows. Is this the start of a new chain? Were we the last generation to experience good programming? My point is that Dora the Explorer first started showing up the year after I stopped watching shows like that.