“Don’t waste your whole life trying to get back what’s been taken away.”

Sorry. I’ve been noticing I haven’t been posting much real blogs lately. Real meaning rants. There's just not much to rant about (Have you ever been in one of those situations when you really want to ask a question and when the teacher calls on you, you completely forget what you were about to say? Yea, it’s kinda like that).
So I sit here at my compy with a bowl of popcorn with cinnamon (yea, I do that). I think about what I could inform you of. *Glances down to sunburn* Yea, I'm a complete tomato except for the fingerprints on my right shoulder from when I fell asleep. But I won’t bore you with a beach story. Ill talk about context. Except, not exactly context, more like the meaning behind words.
I’ve been having these strange dreams lately. I won’t elaborate on them at all. You may have to commit me or something (Or as Ms Chang would say “That girl needs subscriptions.”) In these dreams I learn things. They aren’t more scary than shocking. And I'm not afraid. But I'm asked over and over again, every night:
“Are you afraid?”
I never answer. Cause I'm not. Usually when someone asks you this, it means that you have reason to be afraid. Think, Twilight. And considering the circumstances, I have reason to be afraid. But I'm not. Is it because I'm already too far gone, that it won’t matter? Is it because dreaming screws up my ability to feel emotions correctly? (If you can be blind in a dream, you can certainly be emotionless.) Am I too trusting? I wish I knew. And I wish I could tell you. But I can’t. The memory is blurred. But from what i've written in my dream log thingy, they are mostly the same. But the details just aren’t there. But I think I know enough.
Should I believe them? Should I tell someone? Will anyone believe me? The answer is no. I think I should go to the source (right now I'm really wishing I was at school).
My rant for today will come with a reoccurring theme in my dream. “God, why me?” A concept usually used for spoiled brats. Or people at an emotional tangle. Like the young widower who lost her husband to the war. Or the struggling teenager who was just informed that she was adopted. We all wish this on other people. But it’s not in the plan. Wherever you are going, you will get there. Many of these people consider themselves “special”.
Which brings me to a tangent. Something i’ve wanted to write about anyways. It’s from The Pact by Jodi Piccoult. A repeating theme in this book was the fact that the main characters life was filled with confusion. Confusion sprung up by basically this “I know what my Start and Finish are. I just can’t figure out how to get from Point A to Point B” you can get to Point B, just live your life. I guess I'm not good to take life coaching about this from, cause I don’t even have a Point B yet.
I know the following will be hard for you to understand. Just be open.
The people who are “special” are lucky. They have the ability to know. More than the average person. To do these things, extraordinary things. To be different. One of my favorite things is to understand. These people can understand. But they wonder for their lives, what kind of god would do this to them. When they should accept it. No ones life is easy. And don’t say that anybody’s life is easier than your. Because its not. We are all full of displeasures. If yours are more advanced than others, it’s because you are more advanced than others (Don’t even try telling me your not).
But it so hard to understand. The hardships we each go through on a daily basis. We have no reason to believe that the world doesn’t revolve around us and all of our complaints. But there are people out there with more stress. The people that save us on a daily basis. Either on or behind the scene. These “superheroes” Like a fireman. Or (lets get more fictional here), Spiderman. He has this crazy ability, a double life, but he can’t tell anybody. And he lives with this crazy pain. He has to save everyone, but whose there to save him (Think, Watchmen)? Spiderman now has this responsibility, after becoming different. He can’t ever just forget his powers. He won’t allow himself to. And I'm sure he wonders, God why me? Why did it have to be my life? Why can’t I be normal? Why does it have to be this complicated?
And his life is filled with the suitable amount of doubt and stress. Because he is, in fact, advanced. And I'm sure he wouldn’t have it any other way. I'm sure that under all of the responsibility, he likes to feel special, part of something bigger.
But it still completely sucks not being able to tell anyone. What’s the fun in that? Wouldn’t it be awesome to just march into school and say “I don’t need any on you. Cause, guess what? I'm Spiderman!” then cover them in web and never come back. Or go back and face the extreme popularity ensured by your outbreak. But Spiderman could never do that. It’s not in his ethics.
I wish I could comfort Spiderman, and tell him that’s its okay. That even though I cant ever understand what he's going through, I do. I just need to talk to him first.
So this is the main idea i’ve compiled throughout my dreams. I hope they either start meaning something, or stop. I can’t be going crazy. Anybody have one of those dream psychic hotlines?